Every now and again I’m going to pick apart some game reviews to show how reviewers today, more often than not, are hurting gaming. For this inaugural edition, I’ll examine that elephant in the room crapped out by Bobby Kotick and Co. known as Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.

Rageometer: 5/5

The PS3 and 360 versions’ reviews on Metacritic each have no fewer than nine perfect scores, with the PC listing one — though it’s just a copy-and-paste from a console review (and it’s not from IGN).  As Squiddy mentioned in his earlier post, assigning a number score to a game is usually misleading, and is really only included so that potential gamers who don’t do much research can have a quick decision made for them as to whether or not they should purchase a title.  I really don’t believe anything can truly be perfect, but that’s the message these reviewers are sending with their numerical scores.  In so doing, they are largely performing a disservice to the gaming community as a whole, announcing loud and clear that MW2 is the pinnacle of gaming greatness, with not a single aspect lacking or in need of improvement.  If you read the reviews, however, you see that the game suffers from many of the flaws we’ve seen in the series time and again.  The scores should reflect this.

Before I get into it, let’s me make sure we’re all on the same page:

per⋅fect [pur-fikt]

-adjective
excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement.

—–

Official Xbox Magazine
By Ryan King
Score: 10/10

“Modern Warfare 2 has more standout set-pieces than you can count on your fingers.”

The term “set-pieces” comes up quite often in nearly every review I’ve read, and while no review really says what they think it means, I’m interpreting it to mean scripted portions of the game’s action. In an age of dynamic action provided by sandbox games like Grand Theft Auto IV, or even in well-written AI for more linear games such as Left 4 Dead’s Director, set-pieces and purely scripted sequences are old news.  More than that, they’re boring.  This is that whole cinematic thing console games strive for.  They want you to be a spectator, but one that’s really really close to the action!

“That MW2 is brilliant won’t shock anyone. That it has done so well and still feels fresh without relying on gimmicky innovations makes its success remarkable.”

Well sure; even “gimmicky innovations” would be innovations, and later portions of this review contain lines that pretty much put to rest any hope that there’s something new to be found here.  Such as…

“It’s no real surprise that there are no real surprises with the gameplay.”

Ah ha! Something negative!  Oh, wait — you meant that as a compliment?

“Infinity Ward crams set-pieces in wall-to-wall.”

There it is again!

“What’s really clever is how Infinity Ward has come up with fresh ways of remixing the old formula.”

Okay, I’m on the edge of my seat for the coming example…what?  There isn’t one?  My mistake I guess…

“One of the trademarks of the Call of Duty series is a funnel-neck design, as you’re pushed through linear routes by a never-ending army of respawning enemies.”

Again, this is somehow a positive comment.  You wouldn’t know it until you read the portion that follows…

“Modern Warfare 2 is confident enough in its abilities to break with its own tradition – one level sees you holding off infantry, armoured vehicles and an attack helicopter from the roof of a diner before scrambling across the street to a fast food restaurant and digging in there. As for respawning enemies, they’re either there or cleverly disguised behind some smoke-and-mirrors coding. Either way, you feel like you can dig in and make headway before risking a charge forwards.”

This…I…what?  How does this break any CoD tradition?  Remove “attack helicopter,” and replace “diner” with “bridgehead/Normandy cafe/bombed out building in Stalingrad” and it’s every other CoD.  And I’m not much of a military tactician, but “digging in” seems to be sort of the polar opposite of “making headway.”

“The best missions see you covering the grounded player from the sky, either in an AC-130 gunship or using a helicopter’s mini-gun.”

No, this isn’t a Call of Duty 4 review.  Yes, I double checked.

“The only criticism of the entire package is that the single player campaign is short.”

Really?  Because the way I see it you’ve criticized quite a bit: there’s no new gameplay mechanics, super linear levels, set-pieces galore…oh, so when you said there weren’t “gimmicky innovations,” you meant they just stuck with the same old gimmicky things.  It all makes sense now.

“This is a textbook example to other developers of the love, care, attention, polish and guile needed when crafting a sequel.”

Must be a typo — sequel = expansion pack.  Also, thank you for proving my earlier point about the lying liars at Infinity Ward:

guile [gahyl]

–noun

insidious cunning in attaining a goal; crafty or artful deception; duplicity

Verdict
As good a shooter as you’ll ever play

Uppers
Absolutely spectacular set-pieces
Single-player pacing is spot-on
Spec Ops is incredibly addictive
Multiplayer is better than ever
As good as a sequel gets

Downers

[NOT A ONE!]

Oh come on.  There is literally nothing bad you can think of to put in your summation?  Nothing?  By your own admission, the “only criticism” you had was that the single player campaign is short.  That’s not a fucking downer?  Ya know what?  You’re a fucking downer, man.  That’s right, I said it.

—–
Games Radar
By George Walter
Score: 10/10

“Compared to the original, [the story is] even more far-fetched to the point of being downright preposterous.”

That’s really saying something there…

“The reasoning for this may be to deal with decreasing attention-spans of today’s gamers”

He’s still talking about the ridiculous nature of the story, not the brevity of the singleplayer campaign.  So the argument here is that it’s more outrageous to deal with short attention spans?  I’m not sure I follow…

“If I’m totally honest, I can’t remember some of the key plot points due to their contrived nature.”

And you still gave it a perfect score. So story doesn’t matter anymore.  Got it.  Now dazzle me with all that’s new and good and perfect about MW2…

“The emphasis shifts between all-out dogged infantry warfare (as the US Rangers) and more covert special-ops infiltration and wet work (as 141).”

Yes I’d imagine so; every other CoD has done the same thing.  Seriously, I want to know what makes it perfect…

“Visually, the improvements are kind of minimal, most noticeably an increased level of destructibility to the environments. In most cases this means objects in your line of fire are blown to bits, but also that you can shoot the caged chickens in South American market place.”

I give up.  You’re not going to tell me about anything new.  Unless “new” to you means things you could do in Ghost Squad at the arcade and that Source tech demo from 2003…

“We might be doing IW a disservice here, but in fairness you’re so focused down the middle of your sights for 85% of the game, only a bystander would spot some of the more understated visual polish.”

Doing IW a disservice?!  Why oh why is that your concern as a reviewer?

“I’ve already gone on the record to say I’d have been happy If MW 2 was just a new story mode and some new multiplayer maps.”

For the unversed among you, this is fanboy speak for: I am among the brainless millions who will pay $60 for an expansion pack.

“We’re certain the first time you have to fight the Russians in idyllic, white picket fence American suburbia will inspire mixed reactions from more conservative US players.”

It’s the first time a game has ever done that.

“This requires you to take a considered approach to moving and taking cover, especially when the enemy are so freakishly intelligent and seem to be able to shoot from round corners. That reminds us. That caveat on control we mentioned earlier – why, oh why, can’t we have a ‘shoot round corner’ control?”

Why is this a passing remark, played off as a cheeky little joke?  This is a legitimate gripe with the AI!  They’re not “freakishly intelligent!”  It’s exactly the opposite!   Just like every other CoD, the only thing that makes the AI more “difficult” is that they’re more accurate!  There aren’t enough exclamatory sentences in the world to convey to you that this alone should be enough to not warrant a perfect score!  But here’s one more!

“When I want to carefully edge round a corner and survey the street ahead like intuition tells me to do, I can’t. My whole big body comes with me and offers a juicy target to the militia.”

notbalancedforlean

“Yes, it’s far-fetched and at times blatantly exploitative but overall Inifinity Ward has done more than I’d hoped and completely upped the stakes.”

More than you’d hoped?  You already said you’d have been tickled pink if it was just more of the same!  They upped stakes?  What did they wager?  Their reputation among the people that made them a powerhouse developer?  True.  They’re awful at bluffing though.

“If we had to sell [the multiplayer] to you we’d just say it’s like the last one, but 10 times bigger.”

Not really sure where you’ve come up with that number.  It’s actually almost two times smaller.

“Infinity Ward has done their absolute utmost to ensure multiplayer is as good as an experience as before – only with a totally revitalised and refreshed tool set.”

There are more killstreak rewards and more perks.  There are also fewer players, no dedicated server support, no custom content, no server browsing and not a Popsicle®‘s chance in Hell of a competitive gaming scene.

“Anyone who already has issues with the single-player ‘style’ of IW’s games will still find fault with the scripted, linear experience, but in terms of sheer drama and show-stopping set-pieces accompanied by laser sharp FPS controls, Modern Warfare 2 is your daddy.”

Does putting “style” in quotes seem condescending to anyone else?  This is straight from a review that awarded it a “perfect” score: it’s linear and scripted, just like every other CoD game.  Also, there are those pesky set-pieces once more!  And how “laser sharp” can an analog stick really be?  As sharp as my laser mouse?

You’ll love

  • Three excellent game modes
  • Messes with FPS conventions to great effect [What? Where?! How?!]
  • Literally years of entertainment guaranteed [It's guaranteed!  I personally played CoD4 for about six months before growing woefully ill of it]

You’ll hate

  • Signposting can be confusing [No, I don't know what this means either.  This is the only part of the review that contains this word.  I thought maybe it was British for "waypoint," but there are no instances of that word either]
  • Your team can be frustatingly (sic) stupid [What an unfortunate place for a typo, Mr. Walter]
  • No ‘look round a corner’ move [It's. Not. Balanced. For. Lean.]

Here we even have some negative points in the summary and it still gets a perfect score!  Even though this mysterious “signposting” is included (hey, maybe it’s a European thing), there are two things “You’ll hate” that are a pretty big part of the gameplay.

—–
Telegraph
By Nick Cowen
Score: 10/10

“The visuals have been given a polish and the frame rate is excellent.”

Just a polish.  A once-over.  A spit shine.  And thank goodness the frame rate is excellent!  You sure would have a hard time changing those graphics settings on your console.

“The sound effects remain largely unchanged from COD4, but this is by no means a bad thing when one considers how integral to the in-game experience they are.”

This is by all means a bad thing.  The sounds were one of the most awful, half-assed parts of CoD 4.  Anyone who has ever fired a real weapon could tell you that.

“It should pointed out at this stage that, when considered from a reasonable, real-world perspective, the story of Modern Warfare 2 is utterly ridiculous and its plot has more holes in it than a hunk of swiss cheese. But then, the game’s story exists merely as an excuse to hang action set pieces on, and in this regard it’s an unqualified success, mainly because Infinity Ward’s level design is peerless.”

Their level design is peerless.  Unrivaled.  Unsurpassed.  Did this guy ever play Wetwork?

“Aside from the aforementioned excellent gameplay, the developers pack the missions with epic set pieces, breakneck tension, scenes which garner reactions of shock and awe and more than a few moments which will that prompt audible gasps from anyone watching or playing the game.”

Aside from stating that the MW2 “experience” is “very similar to COD4,”  there really isn’t much mention of “gameplay,” excellent or otherwise, in this review.  And there are those set-pieces again!  Also, is there any type of gasp other than an “audible” one?

“Players can also unlock the option to create their own classes, which in itself opens up a plethora of new ways to enjoy [multiplayer].”

Again, not a CoD 4 review.

“It offers an unmatched shooter experience, a compelling story mode, a slick package of mini missions and a multiplayer which is pretty much unparalleled in depth. It may be debatable as to whether Modern Warfare 2 is objectively the best release of 2009, but it’s certainly the finest game in its genre, as well one of the truly great games of this or indeed any year.”

Me oh my there’s a lot to digest here.  An unmatched shooter experience?  I thought the “experience” was “very similar to COD4.”  Compelling story?  The critics’ consensus on the story is pretty damn consistent in that it’s even less compelling than CoD 4.  I’d really love to know how they accomplished that.  Unparalleled depth in multiplayer?!  Maybe consoles really don’t have anything better…if that’s true, I really feel for them.  The finest game in its genre?  No.  Just no.

—–
Videogamer
By Tom Orry
Score: 10/10

“Such was the onslaught of in-your-face gameplay, explosive set-pieces and “OMG” plot twists that I was mentally exhausted. It was hard to process what I’d just played through. The campaign more or less follows the formula set out by Infinity Ward in its previous two games (CoD2 and CoD4), but it’s one hell of a ride.”

What is the deal with this “set-piece” nonsense?  Did Infinity Ward make it an obligatory inclusion just to get a review copy of the game?  It reeks of conspiracy…Oh and here we see acknowledged once more that it’s the same old formula they’ve used again and again.

“The plot will leave some wondering what’s going on as it switches from soldier to soldier, moving all over the world and beyond through the course of a six-hour experience. Some of the story will have players wondering if certain scenes were necessary and if certain moments really make sense in the grand scheme of the story that spans CoD4 and Modern Warfare 2.”

Read: it’s a piss poor abortion of a writing job.

“You’ll also still find yourself battling against wave after wave of enemies, and some gamers will no doubt feel that this scripted gameplay is a bit old-fashioned now.”

But not you!

“There’s absolutely a feeling that this is a direct follow-on from CoD4, but that’s no bad thing when that is quite rightly regarded by many as one of the best shooters of all time.”

I would like to meet these “many” of which you speak.  I have yet to meet a single person who has held it in such regard, and this includes the members of the clan with whom I participated in CoD 4 competitive play.

“The audio work is exceptional. The Hans Zimmer (The Dark Knight, among others) score is incredible, matching every heart-stopping moment the campaign throws at you, and the voice acting for the main characters is top drawer, putting many other triple-A releases to shame.”

What other triple-A releases are put to shame?  And how can one mention the audio work and not include the actual sound design?  How are the sound effects?  How do they compare to CoD 4?  Other reviews have said that they’re largely the same (and somehow thought that was a good thing…), but you mention two of the more obscure aspects of game sound and forget the actual effects.  For shame.

Verdict:

+ Co-op mode is superb
+ Brilliant campaign
+ Multiplayer will eat your time
- It’s essentially more of the same

See that little negative sign?  That means it’s not perfect, you dingus.

—–
Game Pro
By Tae K. Kim
Score: 5/5 Stars

“The first rule of my own personal reviews philosophy is ‘Remain objective…’”

Phew!  Finally some sanity!  Ah shit, the sentence continues…

“…but that’s almost impossible when dealing with a franchise that’s as critically and financially successful as Call of Duty.”

What?!  Why?!

“My attempts to remain objective weren’t helped by the fact that, instead of being sent a review build, as is usually the case, I was offered a trip down to Infinity Ward’s offices for a two-day Modern Warfare 2 marathon.”

Um…

“Unfortunately, the single-player also contains some low points where the action bogs down with generic FPS run-and-gun segments complete with invisible trigger points and infinitely respawning enemies.”

Uh-huh.

“I especially liked the stealth missions: on one memorable level, my partner and I pulled on our Ghillie suits and slowly navigated from one end of a sprawling level to the other while cooperatively dealing with enemy patrols and hidden snipers; it took us over 30 minutes to get to the end and I wasn’t bored once.”

So an entertainment medium managed to not bore you for a whole 30 minutes?  Your life must be incredibly exciting.  Are you Jack Bauer?

“Based on what I’ve seen (and again, keep in mind the controlled environment in which I saw it) I’m singing the game’s praises.”

The emphasis is mine.  I can’t muster the strength to point out the obvious any more than that after all this.


Gaming is a business.  A big one.  A very very big one.  Businesses are about numbers, and Activision’s D-bag CEO, Bobby Kotick, is nothing if not a bottom…line kinda guy (get it?).  I’ve heard from a reliable source that the Kotick himself wants to replace employee names with numbers based on salary.  When Activision publishes their “Game of the Year Edition” MW2 (maybe at $70 this time?), or worse, when it comes time to sell the next Modern Warfare, they’re going to list scores (numbers) and use that to rope in consumers.  It sure will be interesting to see how reviewers react to Call of Duty 4.2 Modern Warfare 1.2 3.